Wisdom in Love

Recently, I read this letter, written by my friend Jenna Stone. It's beautiful and soulful and the kind of advice I wish I'd given my daughter (and myself) years ago. Fortunately my daughter found her wonderful husband. And me...I've taken this quite to heart!

Thank you Jenna for allowing me to share your great wisdom! Check out more of Jenna's wisdom: facebook.com/puremoxiejenn

June 13, 2011

 

 

Hey J-

 

 

I was in a funk about guys last night. A real bitter little funk. I fell asleep thinking of how much I didn't believe what I'd said to you about romantic notions being our great downfall. It was in that moment. A fleeting moment of defeat....a moment I felt compelled to write about and share ...so for what it's worth - this is me being completely vulnerable ...

 

 

Deep down - in my heart of hearts - I am happy - thrilled in fact- that I've had the privilege of being in love and having been loved...

 

 

...even if it happens just once - it's a true miracle ...

 

 

I don't want to just settle or "pick one and stick with him/her". That is a philosophy of cowardice. I expect more out of life...out of myself...out of the partner I choose. 

 

 

People get lazy with relationships - putting all of their effort in the beginnings - or as a last ditch effort at the absolute last possible second - pretending it is not too late at the end. Stretching it out much longer than it should be stretched ...like taffy ...till it finally thins and breaks. Relationships should be viewed as marathons not sprints. 

 

 

Relationships are definitely hard work ...but the work should be like writing a book-- calculated risks- and yet you know the pay off will all be worth it. There is no question - Love should have the half ton payload - filled to capacity - absolutely every nook and cranny full - bursting at the seams. 

 

 

I have taken the long road to learning and understanding life and love - but I now have a clear grasp on my own absolutes. 

 

 

* I won't settle for someone who has no respect for themselves - or for me - or for my son. 

 

 

*I won't be with someone who is chronically unhappy. 

 People who are happy do not want others to be unhappy. They strive to make people feel good - they share the strengths not the weaknesses of the people who surround them. They are of the light. 

 

 

*I won't be with anyone who is abusive.  

People who are abusive to others secretly loathe themselves and truly- their cup runneth over... It's not personal - they just can't give what they don't have ...  It's not that they don't love you - they just love you to the depth and length and width of their form ....as much as they have been stretched - pulled- and moved to love. They can only love you to their own capacity. Your half-ton to their quarter-ton ... That is why love sometimes just isn't enough. It is the most elementary of math equations. 

 

 

*I won't settle for someone else's choice for me. 

 Arranged marriage? Cultural bias? My family or friend's idea of what is right or wrong for me? No thank you. This is my path - my journey - my decision. 

 

 

*I won't settle for someone who is living in the past - Who can't be at peace with what has happened in life. 

 

Acknowledge and move on. Being present and moving forward is the only path I want to walk on.

 

 

*I won't settle for someone who is willing to settle. 

 Comfortable can quickly become uncomfortable - an itch that no one has the energy or gumption to scratch. The difference between a rut and a grave is only six feet. This is not my first rodeo. To settle down does not mean to settle. And if it does- I will truly never settle down. 

 

 

*I want all of it. 

I want the marrow of life and love. I want the romance - the fanfare - the friendship- the shared vision - the confidence - the enthusiasm - the unquenchable thirst for a full life - the trust - the loyalty- the support - the undeniable impact that true love can have on everyone around us. 

 

 

*I want a partner who will meet me half way on the path - who is a whole person with or without me. 

I don't want to complete someone or to be completed. I want to share my whole experience of life with someone else who is whole and on a similar path. 

 

 

*I need someone who can support me and I him 

...a helper...not a savior. A champion - not a hero. A reliable friend to help balance when either of us are a little off kilter. Someone who challenges me ...pushes me... and is ready to be pushed back. Someone who knows my potential and will hold me accountable and wants the same from me. Someone who is longing to grow ...and is not afraid of change. Someone who thrives in chaos and embraces the next adventure. 

 

 

*I want a role model for my son- a mentor -a friend. 

My son has a father - he doesn't need a replacement - If we have someone in our lives - while my son is still home - I simply want him to have mutual love and respect for both of us. 

 

 

 

 

*And for the long term? 

Simply this - I want someone who is willing to hold my hand and match my stride - I want someone to walk with - dream with - breathe with - simply be with....